Posted by John Behle on September 15, 2004 at 13:33:53:
In Reply to: Re: MAZE DIDN'T WORK YET, AND NEED HELP posted by lynne on September 15, 2004 at 11:08:10:
In addition to the grief and dissappointment, depression after open heart surgery is very common no matter what the result.
There was a previous discussion about this and I remember finding a book on Amazon specifically written to address the issues of depression after heart surgery and how to deal with it. So, at the very least, it adds to the situation.
My MAZE was successful, but I have had to deal with extreme dissappointment after the MAZE due to my back problems. I had such high hopes about living a normal active life. Planned on skiing, jogging, hiking, even bought a dirt bike to race.
Then the realities of my back problems and Fibromyalgia hit and it has been hard to deal with. Others here are running marathons and climbing mountains and I struggle to climb stairs or chase my kids around the yard. I've managed it without anti-depressants, but can hardly even walk in the mornings without pain killers.
Just know as others have pointed out here that before 3-6 months post-op you can't really judge the MAZE. Many here had complications until that time. I was lucky that it's been 100% for me from day one, but would have taken great courage from the support here if I had temporary complications. Your MAZE may turn out to be just fine.
Others have been on medications until their heart normalized and that may be an area to check into. With all you've had to deal with, an anti-depressant would definitely be called for. The depression that comes after open heart surgery is common and temporary. The dissappointment will likely ease as your heart stabilizes after surgery. Either you will be cured in the long run or like some others need a touch up ablation. Odds are very high your heart will be fine in the long run.
As to the other area with your son's death, I can't begin to relate or presume to tell you what to do, but please don't feel bad for feeling bad. There's no time period for grief nor any selfishness in feeling the loss of a loved one. Don't stiffle or suppress it.
The psychologist Steven Covey stated "un-expressed emotions never die. If we try to strangle or suppress them - they struggle for life. If we let them live - they die in the birth process."
The pain of the loss may not ever fully go away, but having people to talk to, cry with and the support of people with similar challenges can help. Someone to talk with or one of the support groups of parents who have lost children might help in this challenging time.
You kind of have a triple whammy here. Struggling with the grief of your loss, then the dissappointment of not having an immediate cure and the common and natural depression that can come after open heart surgery and you have more than any of us could handle alone.
Know that our prayers are with you.